


Poisoned Dreams

by LilyofFandoms



Category: Fallen Hero Series - Malin Rydén
Genre: Anxiety, Dreams and Nightmares, M/M, Nightmares, Panic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:28:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27590699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyofFandoms/pseuds/LilyofFandoms
Summary: I don’t edit too much so please forgive any mistakes.
Relationships: Sidestep/Steel (Fallen Hero)
Kudos: 12





	Poisoned Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t edit too much so please forgive any mistakes.

Birds chirp from their perch upon the building facades around them. A few hidden among the tree branches fight for their territorial claim and the fruit beginning to burst from the twigs there. The breeze is light, nearly imperceptible, and carries none of the city stench that has become synonymous with Los Diablos summers.

They often stay to this section of town on their walks. No one pays them much mind here. There are no expectations of how to dress, which mods to wear, which minds need to be wiped. No one bothers or no one cares. Here they can blend in with all the other vets and former vigilantes that the world has forgotten. It is peaceful.

Yet despite this, his eyes roamed the area, his mind reached out to brush against passerbys, for lurking dangers. It all seems familiar and safe. Yet, somehow strange and unreal but he shakes that feeling away. That is his everyday after all. He looks real but he’s not. Everything is there to remind him of that. Why should a walk be any different?

The hand holding his with careful tenderness squeezes gently and his eyes flit down to their linked hands. This feeling he knows. This softness of touch from something hard and unyielding. Much like its wearer.

He smiles at the mods that are visible and the stray thought crosses his mind. _Its rare to see Chen showing off his mods while in dress clothes on our walks together._ They are almost always covered so as to blend in. Only on day when he want to avoid curious eyes does he show off his mods and never in his work clothing. No one wants to see what is other after all, his cynical side scoffs.

Aridam meets Chen’s eyes and confusion begins to seep slowly into the hidden parts of himself and he glances back down to give himself the chance to slow things down and consider it.

He lets out a choked breath as panic seizes him. His layers are not there. He’s wearing a shirt he only wears at his apartment behind closed doors when he isn’t disgusted by his appearance. He never wears it out without layers to hide his tattoos. But right now, those bright orange lines are on full display.

Wide eyed he meets Chen’s again and finds the man smiling that soft smile he reserves only for when they are alone. There is no condemnation, no disgust, nothing beyond what is always there and it brings him to an abrupt halt.

He feels his eyes tear up at that look. It’s the one he always wanted to see when he finally revealed what exactly he was. But it was the look he never expected to see and he can’t stop the emotions that threaten to overtake him in this moment.

How could he have been so stupid as to be in shirtsleeves? To be without his layers of protection.

_Shit! I’m getting stupid and careless._

Spoon and Chen both come to a stop and give matching questioning looks in their own ways. Still no disgust. No anger. Nothing.

Spoon’s damp, cold nose nuzzles against Aridam’s hand and provides some comfort. But it’s not the usual peaceful comfort more a blankness.

_This is not right._

And so Aridam risks brushing his thoughts against Chen’s and finds only his own reflected there. He digs deeper as Chen’s voice breaks finally, soft and distant. Nothing more than a whisper.

“Aridam?”

_This isn’t right._

He ignores that thought and tries to find anything. Any feeling, any thought, something to grab onto. But there is nothing.

_Nothing._

_Not right. There should be something. Anything. Not nothing._

Nothing but panic.

Panic.

“Aridam. Stop.”

The voice is as firm and gentle as the hands that grip him. Holding him still as his panic rises. Hands that are pulling him tightly towards their owner. A soft kiss is placed on his forehead as he fully wakes. Wakes in Chen’s home. In Chen’s arms where he had fallen asleep.

_Shit. I’m getting careless._

His hands pat himself down, checking himself over as the dream lingers. His true self still layered beneath the clothing he has on.

He berates himself as he assures Chen he is alright with a kiss on his neck, his cheek, his lips. That’s all he can manage right now. Words lay trapped and unspoken. Poisonous words if spoken aloud. Venom sure to spread undaunted if he were to give in to those comforting ideas and dreams of his. Dreams that he has more and more frequently. Dreams he blames on Chen and his own stupid feelings. His own traitorous wants and desires.

_It’s dangerous to forget this man that I’m is kissing is my enemy. It is dangerous to forget that I can’t have dreams. Not those dreams. I’m not human and I’m not allowed dreams. Only nightmares._

And in keeping with that thought, this dream is indeed his own personal nightmare. One he won’t quit.


End file.
